I Still Do

We had a great time this year at our first annual Couples Conference in the new building!

The topic this year was “I Still Do” with session content taken from the book with the same title written by Dave Harvey. In this book, Dave gives several “defining moments” in marriage which directed the majority of the topics we covered.

While we had a great time with all who were able to attend, we know not everyone was able to be there that may have wanted to. The sessions were recorded and uploaded to this blog post below.

Each session includes the teaching as well as some One-on-One questions for you and your spouse to discuss and hopefully grow closer together in your relationship and direction in marriage. 

1. What are some sinful behaviors that you know cause problems in your marriage relationship?
2. What are some sinful behaviors that your spouse may not have mentioned but harm your relationship?
3. What are some physical or mental struggles that you wish your spouse understood more that affect how you respond to circumstances in marriage?
4. What is something about your family / upbringing that you think affects how you respond to your spouse in a negative way?
5. What are some areas of your spiritual life you are striving to grow in that your spouse can encourage you in your journey to Christlikeness?
6. Name one way God has shown Himself faithful to you as a couple in your marriage.

1. What are some of the ways that being a covenant member of a local church has added a layer of difficulty to your marriage? What are some of the ways it has been a blessing?
2. What tempts you to isolate yourself or your marriage/family from the local church? What in the past has caused you to pull away? In all honesty, was that a legitimate reason?
3. What are some physical or mental struggles that you wish your spouse understood more that affect how you respond to circumstances in marriage?
4. Would you both say “Our family is as committed to the local church as it ought to be?” If your family is either not committed enough or so committed that your marriage is threatened by it, what can you do about it?
5. The church is vital to marriage because each married couple possesses gifts. The church is also vital because you and your spouse need the benefits that come to you as a direct result of others’ gifts.
6. What are some of your spouse’s gifts that he/she offers the church? How does he/she make our church better and stronger? Where do you feel special pride in him/her?
7. Is the local church part of your strategy for a lasting marriage? Is your marriage benefiting from the prayer, encouragement, counsel, and challenge that can only come from joining in relationship with other believers in the context of covenant membership?

1. Assuming you are either past having children or not currently trying to have them, what purpose does sex serve in your marriage? Why keep working toward a healthy and satisfying sex life?
2. Are you and your spouse able to speak freely, openly, and graciously about your sex life? If not, why? What keeps you from having good discussions about it?
3. At what stage of your marriage was sex freest, easiest, and most satisfying? If it’s not right now, what changed? What can you do to find new freedom, ease, and satisfaction?
4. A good marriage doesn’t need sex to be central and doesn’t need a sex life loaded with expectations. Rather, a good marriage and good sex life require great grace. What are some ways you can extend greater grace to your spouse in the area of sex? What are some ways your spouse could extend greater grace to you? (If possible, push beyond simply “ask me for it less” and “grant it to me more often.”)
5. Your definition of “handsome” or “beautiful” should be your spouse. In what ways can I affirm that reality? What is a specific aspect of your spouse that you find handsome/beautiful? (Be specific with your answer)
6. Sex is sacred. Sex is also kind of ridiculous. Are you able to make your sex life not only extremely serious but also fun? Can you laugh at yourself? If not, what does that reveal?

1. Discuss things in your marriage that are not reconciled and discuss how to reconcile them.
2. Create some ground rules to help you manage merciful responses to one another when one sins against another. Remember that mercy involves compassion, confession, forgiveness, accountability, and patience.
3. Discuss some issues or circumstances that you feel may be things God has called you to endure rather than seek perfect closure. This could be internal to your relationship or external to your relationship with others as a couple.
4. Remind each other of at least one way God has proven Himself faithful even during trials that don’t seem to be resolved or took a long time to be resolved.

1. In the chapter, it described some less-than-stellar moments of the author, Dave, when responding to his wife’s suffering. With which of these Daves do you most identify?
   • Dave the Diligent – never checked out of the office enough to be fully present
   • Dave the Martyr – parlaying his wife’s afflictions into a celebration of himself
   • Dave at a Safe Distance – the Dave who asks, “How far can germs jump?”
   • Won’t let you tell your story Dave – his spouse’s suffering triggers some similar story from his personal history
   • Draw up the Will Dave – his care is clouded with his worries over each potential danger
2. When suffering comes, do you find yourself “leaning in” to the suffering by offering love, care, and consolation? Or do you perhaps show a tendency to withdraw, feel sorry for yourself, or get wrapped up into fear? What tendency do you most resemble? Do you become passive like Adam? Do you become cynical like Job’s wife? Or do you become self-protective like Abraham?
3. Oftentimes, the one suffering might tend towards believing that no one can understand how they feel or what they are experiencing, which can lead to shutting others out. What is your typical response in your suffering and how can your spouse best respond to you? Describe to your spouse how they can be “purposefully” present in suffering. What are the kinds of things that keep you from being present?